Counselling as a Spiritual Practice

The word spirituality means different things to different people, and in that sense might feel quite vague. It encompasses related ideas such as faith, religion, the supernatural- things which invoke fear, curiosity and comfort, depending on personal beliefs and experiences.

While I do hold my own personal faith, currently finding expression in Christian contemplative practices, I use the term Spirituality in this blog, to describe that innate, deep-down desire in each of us to connect with something more than ourself, such as humanity, nature, the universe, or the divine. I would add that it also includes a search for meaning, purpose and wholeness. For me, counselling touches something of this desire, and I'd like to try to unpack why. Although my own beliefs are bound to inform my thoughts, I hope that what I write will resonate with you, whatever your belief system.  

Connection
There is something about connecting with another human being on an emotional level that brings a sense of relief- like coming home. You're no longer alone in this.  Personally, I have experienced this both as client and as counsellor. As client, it's about feeling seen, witnessed, understood. As counsellor, it's the feeling of gratitude that someone has trusted you enough to show their vulnerability. There's a feeling of wholeness that comes from relating to each other in a deep way. 

Connection enables empathy, and vice-versa. Empathy is the embodiment of love. Having empathy allows us to move beyond our own personal sphere, and enter into someone else's. As this happens, we realise that the feeling of separateness from others is nothing but "a kind of optical delusion of...consciousness", as Einstein put it. 

Empathy allows us to have compassion on our fellow human.  When we can hold this compassion in the face of darkness and despair, it can feel like we're tuning into a divine frequency, accessing something powerful beyond our own capacity. 

Authenticity
Authenticity is central to person-centred counselling; if we counsellors can dare to be our authentic selves, perhaps our clients will see that it's ok for them to be too. Of course, we can never do this perfectly, but it's something we aspire to.

The art of being ones true self- whatever that means- is a truly liberating thing. Counselling so often feels like a process of peeling off layers- defenses, masks, the ego- to get to the essence of a person. In his book No Bad Parts, Richard Schwartz characterises the essential self in terms of 8 C's: calm, curiosity, compassion, confidence, clarity, courage, creativity and connectedness. In his work with clients, using the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, he has observed that these qualities seem to be universally inherent in all individuals.

This fits well with my own views about human nature and potential. For me, the spiritual journey is about healing the wounded parts so that these innate characteristics can shine through. This is, of course, a lifelong journey. Therapy can offer a focused and supportive space for this to happen. 

Spaciousness
Counselling challenges all of our preconceived ideas about the nature of reality, including how we see other people.  In hearing others' stories, we see ourselves. Intentionally extending positive regard- a core condition of person-centred therapy- allows us to put judgement aside and commit to embracing the whole person in front of us, warts and all.

This process creates a spaciousness within, making room for curiosity, openness, and the potential for continuing growth and creativity. 

Purpose
Counselling helps people understand who they are. What's important to them? What are their values? Their strengths? What direction do they feel drawn in? What are their dreams? 

As clients begin to face their emotions and fears, they develop courage which allows them move through the world with more agency and purpose. Many clients make significant changes to their lives, such as having more meaningful communication in their relationships, implementing healthy boundaries, changing careers, or pursuing long-lost dreams and goals they never thought they'd be able to reach. 

I believe that finding out who we are in the world, living in a way that aligns with our values and priorities, and using our gifts and strengths to make the world a better place is walking a spiritual path. 

Personally my counselling work is inseparable from my spiritual life, because it aligns so naturally with what's important to me. It enables me to walk the path I feel drawn to. 

Final thoughts
Ritual is an important part of the spiritual life for many people, especially those who follow a religion or faith. To me, there is something about the regularity and time-bound nature of counselling sessions that makes them feel like a ritual. Something sacred. For those of us for whom spirituality is an integral part of life, every daily act can be seen as something spiritually significant. But there's something about the way we show up in counselling that makes this feel heightened, somehow. 

I wonder what you might take away from this? How comfortable are you considering yourself as a spiritual being? How might you draw on the principles within counselling to enhance your own spiritual life?