Being a highly sensitive person in a busy world

Hands up if you identify with the following:

• You zone out when in a large group of people or in a crowded place
• You feel exhausted after superficial conversations with lots of people
• You have vivid or frightening dreams after watching a high-intensity or scary drama on T.V
• You hate feeling rushed, or put under pressure to make a decision
• You're easily startled by loud noises or sudden movements
• You hate wearing stiff or scratchy clothing
• You're really thrown by last minute changes or disruption to your schedule
• You've sometimes been labelled "shy"
• You are often moved to tears by a piece of art or music
• You get "hangry" when you've not eaten
• You notice the energy in a space, and feel other people's emotions deeply

If this is you all over, chances are you're a highly sensitive person- an HSP.  This term was coined in the 90's by Elaine Aron, and is used to describe those who are deeply sensitive- both physically and emotionally- to their external environments. 

When I first read Aron's book, The Highly Sensitive Person, it was both reassuring and affirming. I know that our cultural dependence on labels can at times be problematic, however, like so many of the neurodivergent clients I work with, I felt a great relief at finally being given a lens to through which to make sense of my experience of the world.

I think one of the biggest benefits of reading that book was that it gave me an understanding which, in turn, allowed me to be far more compassionate on myself. In the past, I've often blamed myself for wanting to leave a social gathering early, for getting irritable when hungry, or for being quiet around people I don't know. I came up with my own labels: unsociable, unfriendly, selfish... Now I know that I just fall into that 30% of the population with highly attuned nervous systems! 

My body is pretty good at telling me when I'm overstimulated, and I'm grateful to it. This can show up as headaches or pressure in my head, tension in my muscles, anxiety, feeling "wound-up", irritable or hyper. This is when I know I need to rest, take some time away from people, put my phone down. If I listen, I can recover pretty quickly, and get on with life.

I've also learnt that many of the things I like about myself- the ability to empathise with people, the creativity, the care for living beings- are down to this sensitivity. I'm in good company too; it's thought that Princess Diana, Jane Goodall, Van Gogh, Einstein, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King were all HSPs! 

If you're an HSP reading this and wondering how to navigate the challenges inherent in being wired this way, I would recommend reading Aron's book. One of the main take-aways for me was that it isn't helpful to compare yourself to non HSPs. It's ok that I can't pack as much as they do into my week, and that I factor in rest and recovery time after socially demanding events. 

I think the thing that helps me to recover most quickly when fatigued, is spending time in nature. I can often actually feel my nervous system relax- my breath deepening, my muscles easing- when I'm amongst the trees or by a river or lake. Indeed, there's plenty of science to back this up. But you'll have your own go-to places or activities which help, and it's useful to know what these are. 

HSPs have a lot to offer to this world, if we can find the right balance. My parting challenge to you is to honour your sensitive nervous system and treasure this special gift.