You may have heard therapists talk about the inner child, and wondered what on earth they meant. Put simply, it's a part of you that holds your early childhood experiences, including memories, emotions, fears and dreams. We all have a child self within us, but it is often outside of our conscious awareness. Despite this, it is very much alive, and likely to be in the driving seat during stressful or anxious moments. 

You have probably had moments where something made you cry like a baby, have a tantrum like a toddler, or feel like a frightened child, and noticed feeling younger than your actual age? You are responding as you did when you were a child, because that part has been triggered. 

So why, as adults, are we still so impacted by our child self? Some may say we should just grow up and use our rational adult mind to reason our way out of this immature outburst. Yet this just serves to supress the child, who is trying to tell us something important. There is often some unresolved issue, or trauma that needs to be attended to. It may be that you were not heard and empathised with by your own caregivers, and so the child is crying out for that care and attention from you now. 

In therapy, engagement with this child part is referred to as inner child work. With support, you can learn how to listen to this child with curiosity and compassion, rather than shutting them down, which only reinforces feelings such as rejection, worthlessness and despair that came from being judged or disregarded as a child. Instead of shaming the child, you are offering empathy and validating the reactions they had to their experiences. By doing this, you are re-parenting your child part, allowing them to become a fully integrated component of the whole self. 

Here are some pointers which may help you engage positively with your inner child: 

• When you find yourself reacting to a situation in a very emotional way, try to affirm that it is ok to feel what you are feeling. Ask your child what they need in order to feel comforted and to be able to deal with the situation. 
• When the inner critic (internalised parent or other significant authority figure) pipes up with things like "stop being so weak- pull yourself together", notice and gently challenge this narrative. 
• If you have your own children, or there are children in your life who you are close to, think about how you might treat them when they are upset. What do they need in that moment? Can you offer a similar response to your own inner child? 
• Think about what has triggered the child part to react. Do you notice a pattern of particular people or situations that evoke this response? Is there something about these instances that reminds you of your childhood experiences? Is there material to be processed from the past?
• The inner child also holds the key to joy, playfulness and creativity. By re-connecting with the child, you can get in touch with these aspects of your personality again, which may have been subdued over the years, particularly if they received disapproval.  Try doing activities you used to love as a child, or try out new fun things! Children tend to approach the world in a less inhibited way than adults, so allowing yourself to let go of the need to be neat, tidy, or do something "well" can help! 
• Try therapy, or reflective exercises such as journaling to help you with your inner child work. 

I rarely come away from time spent in nature without some new thought or insight. But this only happens when I slow down and observe my surroundings- and put my phone away! Nature is a great teacher, if we let it be. 

Seasons
In the UK, we have felt the shift from summer to Autumn pretty dramatically over the past few weeks, with the drop in temperature and the dark nights drawing in. 

The changing seasons can teach us so much. I have learnt to pay attention to the way my body and mind respond to the seasons. For instance, Summer has typically been associated with rest and leisure for me, so I try to make time for travel, fun activities and spending time with people. Conversely, Autumn brings a nostalgic sense of excitement that always came with starting a new term of school, or starting university. I still get that increased energy and excitement to begin new things at this time of year, so I try to harness that. 

The seasons can also be a good metaphor to help us understand and embrace our own seasons of life, whether that is the natural cycles our bodies experience, or the different life ages and stages. There can also be emotional seasons, such as a period of grieving, or a time of great joy and excitement. We know seasons don't last forever, so we learn to inhabit them for their duration. 

Flow
Nature is always in process, always evolving and adapting to environmental factors. Being part of nature, this is equally true of us humans too. We are continually learning and finding ways to best survive our present conditions. As Carl Rogers, Father of the Person-centred approach, put it: 

“a person is a fluid process, not a fixed and static entity; a flowing river of change, not a block of solid material; a continually changing constellation of potentialities, not a fixed quantity of traits.”

This gives us a lot of hope, because we can often make changes-subtle or drastic- to our environment  to give ourselves the best chance to thrive. This might mean leaving an oppressive relationship or community, or seeking the support of someone who believes in and encourages us, to help us better cope with difficult situations that we can't change. 

When we observe nature, we notice a continual ebb and flow. A push-pull of opposites: day and night, wet and dry, movement and stillness. It feels like there is a constant battle going on between the elements, yet it does not feel hostile. Rather, it feels that each has their moment, each as important as the other. This creates a kind of rhythm- a dance. This reminds us of our own experience of life: the feast and famine, times of plenty and times of scarcity, times of gratitude and times of longing. 

Struggle
Despite how calm nature can appear on the surface, each species' fight for survival is real, and sometimes brutal; nature red in tooth and claw. This struggle reminds us of our own, that is an inevitable part of growth and change. 

Diversity
One of the most beautiful things about nature, in my opinion, is the great diversity of species. The sheer number of varieties of plants and animals  co-existing and supporting one another within complex and finely balanced ecosystems.  

This speaks to our own diversity, within the human species. There are things  common to all humankind; this gives us a sense of belonging and connectedness. Yet difference is also something to be celebrated and embraced. 

It feels like it's been a long time coming, but Summer is most definitely here! The sun seems to bring us all out of our shells, and suddenly there is a buzz of life and activity, which can lift our spirits and make us feel a bit more sociable.

That said, the Summer can bring its own set of challenges which might impact people's mental health. So let's consider what these are and how we might navigate them.

Summer is the season of events, with everything from festivals, to fairs, to family fun days. If you use social media platforms, it's likely you're bombarded with advertised events, and with so much choice, this can be a bit overwhelming!

If we're not careful, we can buy into the idea that to be an interesting or likeable person, we have to do as much as possible. Cram our lives with as much activity as we can. But in reality, this can leave us tired and with no down-time to properly rest. What's more, many of these events cost money, and in a cost-of-living crisis, that can put a lot of pressure on families who are just trying to get by. 

On a similar note, many people live for the next dream holiday, building it up as an idyllic escape- an opportunity to finally relax and indulge. Again, these holidays can be expensive and are perhaps not always as perfect as we'd hoped. I'm not trying to paint a negative picture here; holidays are a lovely treat, they're just not necessarily going to provide that silver bullet when it comes to day-to-day mental health and wellbeing (IMO!). 

For people who experience social anxiety, or have strained relationships with family, an increase in the number of invitations to social functions- bbqs, weddings, parties- might feel very difficult. Similarly, loss and unfulfilled dreams can make those social get-togethers particularly painful. 

Those with children might feel daunted at the prosect of the sprawling summer holidays: how to keep the kids occupied and entertained, especially if you're not feeling too great? Conversely, people who are quite isolated may feel loneliness more intensely if groups or classes they normally attend take a break over the summer. 

Obviously all of these things are part of the ebb and flow of life, but here are some things to consider that might make it all a little easier. 

1) Planning: thinking ahead about what you might like to do over the summer, and budgeting for this, might help to find the right balance of busyness and cost. Who and what are your priorities? It's ok to say no to other invitations. 

2) Boundaries: it's ok to limit the amount of time or money you spend on things, and to be firm about this with others (even if they don't understand). 

3) Self-care: plan to do some things that "fill your cup". What brings you joy, inspiration, excitement? What helps you properly relax? Could you go on a retreat, have a day at the beach, or spend a day reading in the garden? 

4) Less is more: holidays or days out don't need to be expensive or extravagant. If you have kids, they will enjoy time spent with you more if you are able to be present, not stressing over cost or time schedules. 

I realise everyone is different and facing their own challenges; you may not feel the issues raised here apply to you, or perhaps there are other difficulties in your life that are not mentioned here. Either way, I hope you find some time to slow down and unwind this summer. 

If you are reading this blog, chances are the title has intrigued you. Perhaps you have heard words such as neurodiversity, neurodivergence or neurotypical being used but have no idea what they mean. Maybe you know someone who has recently been diagnosed with, say, AD(H)D, or Autism, and want to understand more about these differences. Or perhaps you yourself are neurodivergent. My hope is that this blog will be informative for a wide audience with an interest in this topic. 

It's important to state from the outset that I am approaching this topic from a person-centred, neurodiversity-affirmative perspective. Therefore, I avoid using terms such as disorder or disease,  which are indicative of ableism and the medical model. As someone with dyslexia and probable dyscalculia, I hope to bring insight from my own experience, as well as valuable learning from my work with neurodivergent adults and children during the course of my teaching and counselling careers. 

I think it's also important to clarify the meaning of some terms which I will be using in this blog:
Neurodiversity - the expected range of variations across all human neurocognitive functioning.
Neurodivergence/neurodivergent - a person whose neurocognitive functioning differs in one or more ways from what is considered within the typical/expected range of human neurocognition.
Neurotypical – a person whose neurocognitive function most closely resembles what is considered to be in the typical/expected range.
*Taken from Free2bMe's Neurodiversity 101 training resources

What brings so many neurodivergent people to therapy?
​
As well as genetics, it has been shown that environmental factors- such as the quality of attachment with the primary caregiver in early infancy- can greatly affect the development of our brains. While this is a likely component in neurodivergence, I also believe that much of what is seen as disability or deficiency in neurodivergent people is in fact their difficulty in navigating a complex, fast-paced, one-size-fits-all culture that has neither acknowledged nor accommodated difference very well. 

While I understand that the notion of diagnoses can jar with person-centred thinking, we do live in a world that functions by categorising people in this way, and sadly often the only way to be seen, understood and supported is by being assessed and diagnosed. However, by the time they reach an age where their differences may have become noticeable enough to be assessed, many neurodivergent people have already mastered the art of masking and adapting, to exquisite perfection. 

The fact is, the effects of being unseen, unsupported, misunderstood, conditioned to behave in "acceptable" ways, and expected to meet the same expectations as neurotypical people can be CATASTROPHIC for the neurodivergent person. They might seek counselling because they feel they have lost touch with their core self in a way that leaves them asking "who am I?" Their self-esteem can be extremely low, and there may be a deep-seated sense of shame.

I would argue that until fairly recently, there has been no framework in society for understanding and accepting neurodifference (except in the more pronounced cases), so the neurodivergent child felt they must try to hide their differences to fit in. Parents and teachers may have compared them- explicitly or implicitly- to their neurotypical siblings or classmates. Indeed, the school system still measures all children with the same yard-stick, branding those who perform less well in exams and tests as "lower ability",  "less able" or "the bottom set" (I too am guilty of getting sucked in to using this language while working as a teacher). The neurodivergent child will probably have internalised these messages that they are somehow less  than others, despite their many strengths. They might even believe that they are incapable, leading to  a sense of learned helplessness.  Sadly, the many strengths they possess are overlooked. 

As awareness about neurodiversity spreads, many adults are now seeking assessments for conditions such as AD(H)D and Autism. Many are also considering therapy because they want to make sense of their differences, how these have impacted their lives growing up, and how their experiences might have shaped core beliefs about themselves and others. 

How can person-centred therapy help? 

The person-centred therapist is interested in how the client experiences the world as a unique individual. Even if there has been a formal diagnosis of neurodivergence, the therapist will not make any assumptions about the client. Instead, they will listen intently and try to understand what is has been like to be that client living with neurodivergence. They will also open up space to acknowledge and celebrate the many strengths that neurodivergent people possess. This is hugely validating when a client may have had people down-playing, undermining or dismissing their differences all through life. 

The therapeutic relationship is at the heart of person-centred counselling; it is this that brings healing, rather than techniques or behaviours. This is hugely important for a neurodivergent person who may have great difficulty trusting others, and may struggle with relationships. Obviously trust does not come overnight, and it can take time to form this alliance, but once a sense of safety is established, the client can begin to remove the mask and allow their true self to be seen by another who will accept them just as they are. 

It is crucial that the therapist has an understanding of neurodivergence, so that they can understand how the sessions may need to be adapted to meet the client's needs. For instance, the environment may need to be adapted, extra reminders given for sessions, information and resources be given in different forms. This opportunity for the client to voice their individual needs and have them responded to is all part of the work and can help build confidence and autonomy. 

Another way in which therapy can help is by giving the client space to explore what a diagnosis might mean for them. Not everyone wants the expense, or the potentially long wait for formal assessment- in this case a self-diagnosis may suffice. For others, the possibility of receiving financial, learning or workplace support can bring relief and hope. Counselling gives an opportunity to explore thoughts and feelings about these different options. 

Final thoughts

Neurodivergents have so much to offer the world as sensitive, creative, determined, insightful people, often with a great capacity to delve deeply into a particular area of interest. Imagine a world where neurodifference was valued and championed! 
​
If this blog has resonated with you, perhaps because you are neurodivergent, or think you might be, please do get in touch via the contact page of my website for more information or to discuss booking a session.